(A Rendezvous with Osho)
Question: There is a fear about the girl I am with. I am afraid to lose her…and that won’t allow me to have a deep relationship. Maybe I’m afraid to be alone, something like that.
Answer: No, don’t be afraid, move deeper. It will happen because the more you become centered, the more relaxed you become, the more possibility there is to enter into a relationship deeply.
In fact it is you who goes into a relationship. If you are not there, tense, crippled, worried and fragmented, who is going to go deep? Because of our fragmentedness, we are really afraid of getting deeper into a relationship, into deep layers, because then our reality will be revealed. Then you will have to open your heart, and your heart is just fragments. There is not one man inside you – you are a crowd. If you really love a woman and you open your heart, she will think you are a public, not a person – that is the fear.
That’s why people go on having casual affairs. They don’t want to go deep; just hit-and-run, just touching the surface and escaping before anything becomes a commitment. Then you can only have sex, and that too, impoverished. It is just superficial. Only boundaries meet, but that is not love at all…maybe a body release, a catharsis, but not more than that.
The fear is that now you want to go deeper; it is not that the girl may be lost. You are afraid and hesitant. We can have our masks easily if the relationship is not very close, very intimate – the social faces function well. Then when you smile there is no need really for you to smile, just the mask smiles.
If you really want to go deep then there are dangers. You will have to go naked – and naked means with all the problems inside known to the other. When you cannot have an image, your reality will be open and vulnerable, and that creates fear. But we go on deceiving ourselves and saying we are not afraid of that, we are afraid that the girl may leave. That is not the fear. In fact deep down you may be wanting the girl to leave you so there is no trouble about going deeper into a relationship.
Go deeper. Nobody is hindering the path….If you are there, then you can always find someone to love. If you are not there somebody else may be there but that will only be physical presence, and of no use, because you remain alone.
Go and watch couples, people married for years: they live a lonely life, and they live alone. They have never been together, and they have learned all sorts of tricks about how to avoid each other, how to escape the other. The husband says, “I love you,” and kisses the wife and everything, but these are just to keep away, not to go deep.
Don’t be afraid…just take the jump!